So, I've been a University student for a week. Interesting classes by interesting profs is interesting.

And already I've gotten a 'talk' oddly familiar to the 'verbal tear down' from my Dad. About grades that are yet to surface. Because I just finished my first week of University. Papers are only due in three weeks. AT THE EARLIEST.

And the subject hasn't even been discussed in class yet.

Admittedly, I didn't do so well in my last years of highschool. College was a bit better in the second half of the ordeal. I should know, I was the one that went through every single damning motion 24/7. Went to every lecture. Did every test. Failed when I put my heart into it, or not enough. Depending on the circumstances.

So tell me, how am I supposed to "clean up my act" (as my wonderful, loving father stated multiple times) if you keep shoving all my past mistakes in my face? If a person is willing to put their best foot forward, WHY would you put stumbling blocks right in front of them? There's just no use for such a practice. Ultimately, failure and the consequential disappointment will happen YET AGAIN.

Yes, a person can learn from their past mistakes. And people do, for the most part. Which is great. But they also do it with a good support team. A safety net of sorts. Mine has holes that are too big to catch me. The netting's too frail or made of barbed wire. On some days, I wonder why I even bother getting ready to do something that will be criticized by someone who's never had the opportunity to do what I am able to do, or that I do of my own will. Why I decided to follow this path instead of a different, ( and to my eyes ) equally alluring path that didn't receive as much parental backing in the early stages.

Call me the problem child. Call me the fat, lazy, lying, irresponsible, undeserving waste of space that I am to your eyes. Because then the skin will be cut through in one go, and I won't feel the phantom pain for such a long time.

Stop giving me pleasures if you'll just take it back in the same breath. I've had my fill of tears, had my quota of constant inadequacy. I'm done with all this fucking bullshit. It's bled onto other aspects of my life that I've held dear for so long. It's affecting my art, my writing, my music...anything that becomes an extension of myself in the short or long term.

I'm closing this account. It's been a few months in the making, but this is the final blow. Taking down my pictures and a few illustrations that I don't hate too much for the next few weeks before dumping them in another milieu. Those of whom I want to be found by will be notified in due time...the rest can do what they want. I don't mind and won't be insulted by your decision, and wish you all the best of luck and much happiness.

[Account closed]