Take note that before this was written, I had read manga that wasn't full of fluff and books that weren't going to be labeled as typically happy. This is just my breaking point.

AND I HAD JUST STARTED TO DRAW THINGS AGAIN, THINGS WERE LOOKING UP ART-WISE BEFORE THIS LITERATURE-INDUCED DEPRESSION D8

SO.

A few days ago I downloaded "Breaking Dawn" to finally read it. First I did a blitz reading of "Eclipse" (also another download WOW THE INTERNET IS AMAZING), seeing as I didn't want to forget anything and still be engrossed in the story.

I finished BD a few minutes ago, after going through two sleepless nights trying to read the most I could.

It made me sad. Because it's the last one of the Twilight series...until Midnight Sun comes out...but it's still different, since no one KNOWS if that'll ever happen...

Back to the point.

I have a problem with things coming to an end. Comic book/Manga endings always make me sad, because that means the the story is done. Dead to the author/illustrator. NOTHING NEW WILL COME OUT OF IT UNLESS THERE'S A SOMEWHAT DISAPPOINTING REMAKE. And even those make me sad when they end, since there'll never be someone interested to make it right.

However, book endings are different for me. If it's just a nice little love story that ends well in Hollywood standards, then I'm happy. When I read things that just seem to come end at a point that I find doesn't feel right, I feel annoyed, ponder about the conclusion possibilities, then finally let go. But when it's something short of a cult phenomenon (and even then, it's extremely hard to tell when things have become cult-worship material or not)...then it just makes me blue for a bit.

Here are a few things, just to name some examples:

LOTR did NOT help my youth depression.

Harry Potter made me feel cheated.

And Twilight made me want to be in that world so that it never had to end. It's been ages since anything made me feel that, WITHOUT it being a Miyazaki film, Howl's Moving Castle being the exception to the proverbial rule.

I still remember how my 'wife' lent me the first book, and how I was engrossed in the story. Part of me hoped that maybe one day I would find my weird Bella-like ending, minus the impossibly beautiful vampire boyfriend. But now that it's done, so are my hopes and expectations to being full of glee thanks to that series.

It wasn't the whole "normal girl meets vampire guy, then they fall in love" bit that got me going. It was the idea that any girl could find the perfect someone, whether people approved or not. It actually made me dream that I would be able to find someone to grow up with, make a life in more ways than one, and ultimately never have to regret doing the things that were done to be together and stay that way.

Seeing as it's over, I don't know what to do. part of me was going to take up some old projects, rework them and then DO something. Let people finally see into my brain and hopefully not creep them out.

BUT WITH THIS I've lost my drive to write, draw, EVERYTHING. All because of a YA novel written by someone who lives hundreds of miles away. I'm THAT easily influenced by written word, which is rather disturbing.

So I need to go in my would be detox state where I become some sort of medicated drone and act weirder than usual while taking my mind off of this. Maybe doodle. I dunnoooo...

-Shut down-